Amanda

I didn’t walk into recovery as a confident, hopeful woman. I walked in angry, broken, and pretending. On the outside, I was married with two young children. On the inside, I was a woman drowning in addiction, lying to the people I loved most including myself. When my husband finally gave me a choice to enter rehab or lose everything, I chose rehab, but not for the right reasons. I went for him, not for me.

Rehab forced me to get sober, but it didn’t give me time to heal. When I left the six‑month program in early 2020, I relapsed quickly. COVID made it even easier to hide and harder to stop. Eventually, my husband and children asked me to leave our home. I accepted that my marriage was probably over, but I knew one thing for certain: I was not going to lose my kids to my addiction. My sobriety date July 11, 2020 is also my wedding anniversary. That day marked the moment I chose to fight for my life and my family.

Around that time, I was introduced to ISP, though I didn’t realize then how deeply it would change me. I attended an ISP retreat at Cabrini while I was still in rehab, closed off and resentful, convinced I didn’t belong. I wasn’t ready to connect. I wasn’t ready to share. But something unexpected happened when I did share and opened up just a little. I spoke about a painful part of my past, and in that moment, I connected with another woman in a way only God could orchestrate. That small act of vulnerability became a turning point. It showed me that even the tiniest bit of honesty could create healing not just for me, but for someone else too.

What made ISP different from everything else I’d known was the lack of pressure. There were no boxes to check, no rigid expectations. I didn’t need a sponsor or a perfect recovery story. ISP welcomed recovering addicts and women who had never experienced addiction at all. Women who simply showed up, prayed with me, and reminded me I wasn’t alone. That mix mattered. It taught me that support doesn’t have to look one specific way to be real.

As I stayed sober, ISP stayed with me. I was invited back to retreats not as someone seeking help, but as someone offering it. I became a witness, then a mentor, sharing honestly with women who were standing exactly where I once stood. ISP gave me a place where my story mattered, where my past wasn’t something to hide but something God could use.

Today, my life isn’t perfect but it’s clear. I’m present. I can recognize my triggers without running from them. My marriage healed. My family is strong again. And through ISP, I learned that recovery isn’t about being flawless. It’s about being real. We’re addicts. We get angry. We pray. We mess up. And God loves us anyway. ISP helped me believe that and helps me live it.

Amanda, Denver